Painting in Red
by Jynxiii
Summary: Sequel to Love is Blue. Jez is in San Francisco, having left Morgead behind in England. But can a single ocean really sever such bonds?
1. Chapter 1

**So… I was supposed to have this story finished like… WAY before Christmas… but then I got distracted by my Harry Potter fanfic, and my Rise of the Guardians one (I'm still pretty happy with the Harry Potter one, but the Rise of the Guardians isn't that good. Very fun to write, though). I've been doing quite a few different projects and collaborations with my friend Amy (Deesney on deviantART and fanfiction), and a couple of my OCs are featured in her Maximum Ride fanfic, which I will persuade her to put on fanfiction. It's called 'Recast'. **

**I came up with that name. ;)**

**SO… I don't own Night World, but this story is pretty much mine. And Jez and Morgead aren't exactly in character when it's an AU… Anyway. Review. And I'll love you forever.**

**Painting in Red**

**Part 1 – Treacherous (Jez)**

_Living is like tearing through a museum. Not until later do you really start absorbing what you saw, thinking about it, looking it up in a book, and remembering - because you can't take it in all at once. ~Audrey Hepburn_

**Chapter 1**

I had a bad feeling from the moment I woke up.

It was little things, like the fact that I'd fallen out of bed. The kettle had refused to boil and the teabag I threw into the water had a rip in it. And I was out of sugar.

That was the straw that broke the camel's back (a very weak back) and after some very impressively inventive swearing I threw the mug at the wall and spun round to come face-to-face with a very rumpled-looking, scared Pierce.

"Oh. Hi," I said. "We're out of sugar."

"And out a mug. What did it do to you?"

"I'm just stressed."

"Yeah. I gathered. You haven't been this stressed since we left England."

I kept my expression carefully blasé. I'd tried to think about England the bare minimum in the four months since we'd left.

_Tried_ being the operative word. Every now and then, a memory would hit me, pierce me through like a cannonball and leave me raw and gasping at the intensity. Who knew the capability of human memory? I couldn't remember anything as vividly as I could remember him. Though I tried and tried to forget.

_Forget forget forget forget._

"Are you alright, Jez?"

I smiled at him. "Yeah. I'm fine."

That phrase sticks in my head a lot. _I'm fine._ It's true, for the most part. Living with one of my best friends (there's nothing romantic – thank God – between me and Pierce) means that I've never a cause to be lonely. My parents have promised to come sometime soon, and we talk for about two hours every day. The band is really taking off, and our gigs are usually sold out within a day or two. The songs for our upcoming CD are coming on really well, and we've recorded about four songs. Our first single, 'Fly', is coming out two weeks today.

Of course, I miss England, with its rain and clouds and the green and yellow patchwork-quilt of fields in the Suffolk countryside, the grey waters of Felixstowe, reaching out to the east to meet the morning sun, and even the sprawled, scattered buildings of my old school.

And of course, I miss Morgead.

I flinch, as always, when his name slips, like a thief, into my consciousness, stealing my mind and dragging me forcibly away from the really quite… beautiful present. I love every moment of my life, but that doesn't mean it couldn't be better.

But that's being selfish, isn't it? I'm lucky. I shouldn't demand more when I've already been given so much. It's only when I'm alone in the flat that I curl up on the sofa and allow myself to linger over his green eyes, sparking with laughter and love when he looked at me, his ruffled hair falling over his forehead, and the feel of his strong hands on mine.

It's brilliant fodder for song writing.

I am working through it. It's easier than I thought it would be, actually. It's not what it says in the books and songs; not being able to function. Maybe because it was my own choice. I wasn't going to give up my entire dream, everything I'd worked towards, for love, was I? That wasn't me.

I feel comforted, as always, when I go across the hall to the flat that Hugh and Val are sharing, at least until Raven comes over to California.

I open the door – they always leave it unlocked when they're in – and go to the kitchen to take a bit of their sugar. I'm sitting at the table rubbing the warm ceramic of the mug when Val comes in.

"Hey, Jez," he says, not surprised to see me. "Pierce being weird again?"

I smile. "No. We're out of sugar."

"Is that why you threw something at the wall? You woke me up."

"Good. We need to get ready for the recording studio. And it was a mug."

His smile helps me relax. Exactly what could happen today which would be so bad? For all intents and purposes, I am happy. I am complete. And happiness is strong and versatile, isn't it?

We're at the recording studio 11 sharp, due to my meticulous planning. The recording session goes as it should and it isn't long before I'm talking to my parents on Skype, the bad feeling has completely leached away, and is the furthest thing from my mind.

But I can't get to sleep that night.

Part of it is a reason I'm used to; a melody and a few snippets of words are circling around my head, both taunting and tempting me. It doesn't take long before I write some ideas down, singing very softly under my breath. I don't realise how exhausted I am until the room starts slowly getting lighter. I look in shock towards my clock, which says that it is four in the morning. I collapse back onto my bed, and sleep until Pierce throws a pillow at me later on in the morning.

"Oh," I mumbled. "I dreamt a massive marshmallow was eating me."

Pierce grins. "Come on. Don't you have schoolwork to do?"

I throw him a murderous glare. School work. You would have thought, with what I was planning to do with my life that I would never have to do school work ever again. I should have figured that my dad would never let me quit school.

At least the work is easy as anything (apart from English, but I've never been good at that), and I have fun afterwards talking to Claire.

We have quite an odd relationship, Claire and I. For years, I despised her, but now we were actually quite close (albeit not close enough to have told her about Morgead). What really helped, though, was that she was going out with Hugh, so now he didn't come chasing after me whenever he had an inkling to do so.

Anyway, I tell her about how the CD is coming along, and promise to send her a copy of the single before we log off and I finally am able to go to bed (I like sleeping).

I wake up with more feelings of trepidation, and feel even more distracted than usual when we're recording. It's an odd feeling; halfway between terror and guilt. We leave Val at the recording studio; he has a meeting with our producers and I have yet more work to do.

When it's done, I decide to go for a walk round the city. I love it here; San Francisco is a beautiful city to live in, and the shopping isn't bad either.

I'm walking within a couple of blocks of the Golden Gate Bridge when it happens.

With a suddenness that strikes me hard, a boy about my age, who was walking backwards holding a camera up, facing one of the older buildings in the district, walks into me. He almost drops the camera, but just about holds on, whilst I fall back and land quite hard on the floor, letting out a rather embarrassingly high-pitched squeal.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" the boy says, once he's satisfied that his camera is safe. He helps me up, his pale blue eyes creasing with repressed humour.

I narrow my own eyes at him as he runs a hand through his cropped white-blond hair, leaving it dishevelled.

"I didn't mean to," he says, a bit more uncertainly.

"Maybe if you'd stayed still to take the photo, you wouldn't be walking into people," I say, surprising myself by how annoyed I sound.

He smiles, and a shock goes through my body. He has the same smile as Morgead… my thoughts trail off as I look at him a bit closer. He _does_ look like Morgead. Only the colouring is different.

"Hey, England, right?"

I raise my eyebrows. "Yeah. So?"

He looks a bit more uncomfortable now. "I really am sorry about that. I'll be more careful."

I just nod before leaving, shooting a look over my shoulder at him, engrossed by his camera again.

Well, that was… odd. There was something about him… I shook my head in an attempt to clear it before making my way back home.

Pierce isn't there, which surprises me a bit. It wasn't as if he was social; I don't think he has friends apart from the band, even when we were living in England.

I'm trying to focus on music that evening, taking advantage of the fact that the flat is empty, and what unnerves me… normally I'm thinking of Morgead at moments like this, but now I'm thinking of a stranger with pale blue eyes and cropped blond hair, rumpled from pushing his hands through it. But that's _stupid_. There's even less chance that will work than anything working out between me and Morgead. At least I'd seen Morgead every day. I'd _known_ him. This boy… I didn't even know his _name_. He could be gay, for all I knew.

This thought makes me laugh out loud, and I'm repressing a fit of giggles when the door opens and Pierce walks in, looking quite pleased with himself.

"Met someone," is all he says, grinning, before he ducks into his room.

I feel my mouth drop open, and I discard the guitar to one side before running to his door. "Pierce, open the door now!" I shout, my voice shrill. "Now, you jerk! You can't leave me hanging like that!"

I hear an exasperated sigh the other side of the door before it swings open. "Can't you leave me to reminisce in peace?"

"Reminisce?" I say. He slams the door shut in my face. "What did you do, Pierce?"

"You don't need to know _that_."

I hit the door one more time for good measure before going back to the sofa and picking up the guitar. And the song that comes to me is… hopeful.


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own Night World. This'll be updated Fridays-Sundays. Depending on school and piano workload.**

**Chapter 2**

The single is released the next day, and is even performed on the radio as I'm having breakfast. Pierce grins at me before saying, "Go squeal with Val."

I pat him on the shoulder as I pass and opened the door, coming up to Val and Hugh's door. I really wish I'd knocked that time, though.

Because when I opened the door, I came face-to-face with woman, a few years older than me, leaving the flat. She was gorgeous in one of those obvious ways, long blond hair, several inches taller than me and tanned, flawless skin. A typical California girl, really. I didn't really register what was happening as she gave a short laugh. "Sorry," she said. "You'll call me, won't you, Val?" she called over her shoulder. She shrugged past me, not waiting for an answer.

And then it catches up to me.

I stare wide-eyed at Val, who is frozen and gaping at me, before spinning to go back to my own flat. "Jez!" he says, coming up behind me. He holds my hands down by my hips and picks me up as if I weighed nothing more than a pebble, and brings me back into his flat as I'm shouting at him and trying to kick him. "Listen Jez, please!" he says as he shuts the door firmly, letting me drop to the ground. I try to wrench him away, but the guy's built like a bull. No-one can move him if he doesn't want to.

"You idiot!" I shout at him. I hit his shoulder.

"Let me explain-"

"I don't want to listen!"

"Jez, just let me-"

"No!"

He puts a hand over my mouth, ignoring me when I bite him.

"I don't know what happened, okay?" he's refusing to look at me straight. "I had… a bit too much to drink last night."

"Mmph!"

"I know. It's exactly what we said we would never do, but I lost control."

I try to drag his hand away from my mouth.

"Please, Jez. You're my friend too. Can't we just talk about it?"

I glare at him furiously, but nod curtly. He lets me go, but still keeps a hand on the door handle. Crossing my arms, I motion with my head for him to continue.

Val ducks his head down. "I don't understand why. I'm usually in control, but just thinking about how long it's been since I've seen Raven… it got me depressed. Usually I'll go to Pierce then, but he was… otherwise occupied. So I started talking to Annie and…" he frowns. "I don't remember after that."

"You got depressed because you haven't seen Raven, so you cheat on her?" I say sardonically.

"I know it was stupid. I regret it. Just… please don't tell her. I'll sort it out."

I clenched my hands into fists. "Let me go."

"Jez-"

"Let me _go_."

He stepped aside.

I ignore him for the rest of the day, though he tries more than once to get my attention. The injustice of it all is what hurts me; I can never get who I really want, but Val is so sure of it he _plays_ with it, like a cat playing with a dying mouse. He had loved Raven almost his entire life, but he was so sure of her that he was flirting with danger.

Would Morgead have become like that after a few years? I wouldn't be surprised, after watching Val fall off the wagon. It was probably a blessing that our 'relationship' would probably never resolve itself.

He probably forgot me months ago, anyway.

…nw…nw…nw…

The bombshell, what I think all the feelings of trepidation were leading up to, is realised the next morning. Whilst preparing to go to the recording studio, the phone rings. It's Raven.

"I think Val's out. He didn't pick up."

I push away all my instincts which are yelling at me to tell Raven what had happened. I would have to let Val explain it himself.

"He might be. I haven't seen him yet."

"Well, anyway, I'm coming next week on Tuesday."

"Good."

"Are you alright, Jez? You seem a bit off." I bite my lip against the flood. _Tell her tell her tell her._ "Is it Morgead?" she asks in an undertone.

My breath hitches through my throat. "Can I talk to you about it when you get here?"

"Sure."

We hang up.

I curl up on the sofa for a few minutes. If I was thinking only of myself, I would be happy that Raven was coming, but I was terrified for both of them. They'd been together for over ten years now.

The door opens, and Val comes in, looking sheepish.

"Yeah. She called," I answer the question he was asking with his eyes.

He twists the doorknob uncomfortably. "We have to leave."

I just nod, unable to look him straight in the eye.

I wonder how long it will take to be able to look at him as I did before.

…nw…nw…nw…

I feel myself relaxing as I'm playing and singing, though I refuse to be alone with Val. Pierce and Hugh are looking at each other worriedly; Val and I are usually the happy ones that are always joking around, and they don't know what's going on. I go for a walk again, to the same place, afterwards, and feel my thoughts drift inexplicably to the boy from before. What would I say to him if he were here? I play through a few possibilities in my head before shaking my head and laughing quietly at myself. It's ridiculous. I my get a few decent lyrics out of it, but hoping or thinking of anything more is childish.

When I got home (Pierce was there this time, though he still hadn't told me what had happened), I tried to figure out whether I could tell anyone about everything going on in my life. It didn't seem likely. Apparently I was doomed to spend the rest of my life putting everything in coded words into songs.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry about the delay. Internet has been fluctuating between not working whatsoever and being so slow I'm close to snapping my laptop in two XD Any time it did work I had to use for emailing teachers. **

**Part 2 – Picture Perfect (Morgead)****  
**_All of us failed to match our dreams of perfection. So I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure to do the impossible. ~William Faulkner_

**Chapter 1**

I'm not sure what made me get back together with Ella.

People would look at me strangely if I announced it. Probably everyone would say something about how if you break up with someone but keep going back to them, you're bound to end up together. Ella and I had been on and off for the better part of three years.

But anyway, I digress. I'll take you back to the day it happened.

Summer was just around the corner, and the sun was reaching out tentatively to warm the dew in the mornings. It had rained that night, and the light caught the droplets scattered over the trees, whose blossoms were just detaching and floating to the ground in a celestial dance. I'd spent the day at work, still feeling an ache and a pull towards the empty chair when Jez's old class came in.

I have a feeling they'd all noticed that I was different, but whether they'd realised why was under more consideration. I found myself switching off during that class, fighting against the loneliness.

I still loved her.

It was becoming almost an obsession. Thinking of her smile, her voice, her eyes. The way she would laugh at me. The expression on her face when she was singing, and somehow I knew it was for me.

I remembered when she told me that she wouldn't give up her dream for me. Perhaps I should have been angry, but at that point I could only feel pride and overwhelming love. _Five years. Only five years,_ I told myself as I held her that last night, though I could feel in her countenance and her voice that she didn't believe it would work.

I let the day wash over me until I left, feeling myself growing lighter as I arrived home.

Or, at least until I saw the car in the driveway.

The black Audi, which I knew as well as my own.

Ella's Audi.

A strange mixture of hope and disgruntledness fills me as I step into the house to see Ella lounging on the sofa.

"I knew I should have gotten my key back," I say meekly.

She sighs. "You've locked yourself out twice in the past four months. It's useful that someone living so close to you has a spare."

Oh. Right. I'd forgotten about that.

"And anyway, we need to talk. You've been ignoring me. We're still friends, right?" She waits for me to answer, and throws me an aggravated look when I didn't. "We always said that even if we did break up we'd still be friends. Do you remember that, Morgead?"

I look away from her piercing grey eyes. She sighs again. "We need to talk," she repeats.

"Then talk," I say.

"I…" she looks away and bites her lip. "It was the right thing to do. I know it was."

"What?" I say, crossing my arms.

"Morgead… I saw you with Jez."

I narrow my eyes at her. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I _saw_ you. And it isn't right. She's only, what, seventeen?"

"It's none of your business."

"Morgead… I told."

I don't understand for a while, but her earnest expression helps it click.

"You told…?" She nods. I don't even feel angry, just shocked. "Ella…"

"I am sorry, but you've changed so much since you started working at that school. I wasn't sure whether she'd be… safe."

"We didn't _do_ anything, Ella. And she left of her own accord."

"You kissed her."

I take a deep breath. "Yes. And I have feelings for her, it's true. But we wouldn't have gone further."

Ella ducks her head down. "I'm sorry. But I had to protect her. And you. You'd worked so hard to be a teacher; I didn't want you to throw it away."

I step closer to her. "That's one of the reasons she left. We neither of us wanted to jeopardise our dreams. It was a completely mutual decision."

She stands up. "Good. As long as it's over."

A faint echo of pain and sadness reverberates through me, but I nod. At this point, there wasn't much chance of there being a fairytale ending. She takes my hand and squeezes it.

And I'm not too sure how it happened, but we end up standing in the living room kissing. Something inside me breaks at that point, but something else fixes. I'm not sure how to explain it, except that it is probably the best feeling I can remember. I can almost feel Jez drifting away from me, though not far. I don't think she'll ever go far.

And afterwards, when I'm brushing her gold hair back behind her shoulders and hold her, I feel the hole that had been punched through me start to heal, and I know that with Ella, I can get over Jez. Nothing is impossible.

I'd probably been more in love with the idea of falling for a student. Jez had been a symbol for everything I'd given up when I managed to leave the gang. I'd probably missed it more than I realised. But now I knew. Jez just wasn't the one for me.

"I love you, Morgead," Ella whispers to me.

I feel a surge of triumph and pride. "I love you too," I say, feeling the passion between us, staining the air red.

…nw…nw…nw…

I had actually forgotten how much fun Ella could be. And it was such a relief to be able to go outside and celebrate our love for each other, instead of how it was for Jez and I, always holed up indoors, tension mounting. I didn't understand how I could ever have thought that Jez and I could have held out, when Ella was so perfect for me.

We fit together like puzzle pieces. She understood all my quirks, knew how to deal with me when I was angry, and was so much more patient that Jez had ever been. I found myself wondering why I had broken up with her in the first place. To be with Jez? That was stupid.

We went to all our old favourite places and laughed when we got kicked out. We spent entire days together just lounging outside and reading; something Jez would have outright refused to do.

Ella was perfect for me. I knew it.

…nw…nw…nw…

Or, at least, that's what I forced myself to believe.

I found myself blocking out moments, when I was with Ella, when my mind betrayed me, pulling me back to something Jez had said or done. Sometimes I outright lied to myself; _Jez had been volatile… violent… idiotic_, but that didn't work as well.

And it was becoming increasingly hard to deny that I still saw Jez every time I closed my eyes.

And increasingly hard to deny that I was with Ella only to distract myself.

…nw…nw…nw…

The stress was building a lot, until I was – childishly – outright avoiding Ella. I tried to convince myself that it was for her own good, but I'd been lying to myself way too much to have any credibility whatsoever.

It'd be funny if it was happening to somebody else.

It was about a month since we got back together, and I'd cancelled our date (yet again) in order to 'mark some homework', when she turned up unannounced.

I put the work to one side (okay, the book) and stand up uncertainly. "Ella, what are you doing here?" I knew I should have never given the key to her.

"I want to know what's going on, Morgead."

I sit on the table and look away. "I know I'm being a jerk -"

"Yeah, you are. So if you get that, then why don't you _stop_?"

I find myself unable to look her in the eye. I wished – more than anything – that I _could_ love her, but at this point it seems impossible. "I'm sorry," I say, forcing myself to look at her.

And she understands. She knows me better than just about everyone else. Her mouth drops open. "Seriously? Is it her again?"

I don't answer, but that seems to be confirmation enough.

"Morgead… she's living in California now. Do you have any idea how many guys there are there? And I've seen how pretty and talented she is. She'll have her pick of boys."

"I know."

"What you had with her was nothing more than a holiday fling."

I don't answer, but she can see what I mean by my silence.

"A pity." I narrow my eyes and look at her. Her expression is cool, business-like. It unnerves me. "So is this us breaking up for good, then?" I nod slowly. "A pity," she repeats, this time with a cold smile. She drops my keys on the table. "Have fun chasing down an illusion."

She sweeps out of the room and down the driveway and I sit down, feeling a strange mixture of having the weight of the world taken away from me and a cold fist locked around my heart.


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't own Night World. DOUBLE UPDATE. I'M SORRY.**

**Part 3 – Lucky (Jez)**

_I've found that luck is quite predictable. If you want more luck, take more chances. Be more active. Show up more often. ~Brian Tracy_

**Chapter 1**

It was a rare day for San Francisco. The sun was hiding behind a thick veil of clouds, and rain was spitting down. I would have hated it if I was still in England, but it was more like a memory of home. I call my parents and talk to them for a couple of hours. Mum tells me about the novel she's working on, dad talks to me about possibly coming over during the Easter holidays, which I agree with readily. Then mum mentions what I have been dreading for several days. "Raven will be there in a couple of days. I think she's leaving on Tuesday."

The mention of Raven forces the feelings of guilt and anger to the forefront of my mind. I'd agreed not to tell her, but… I still felt like I had to.

"Are you still there, love?"

"Yeah. I am. Just thinking."

"Sounds painful." I roll my eyes at the typical dad comment. "Anyway, we've got to go. We have reservations."

"Oh. Miss me."

"I don't know… it's nice having the house to ourselves."

"Yeah. You're lovely parents. You must be proud of yourselves."

"Well, yes. Yes we are."

I laugh at them before saying goodbye and hanging up. Now to work out whether I should tell Raven.

I end up going to Val's and finding him sitting at the window with a miserable look on his face and despite myself, I feel sorry for him. "Raven's coming in a couple of days," I say. He looks at me, panic-stricken.

"I don't want to lose her. What do I do, Jez?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I really don't know, Val. But you have to tell her as soon as she gets here."

He nods. "I will."

I leave him then, looking morose and depressed.

Raven arrives, as planned, Tuesday evening. I hug her tight when she knocks at my door.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Just missed you."

"Aww, Jez. I missed you too."

Val's door opens, and his stricken expression almost makes me beg to Raven to forgive him.

I leave them alone then and walk into town, watching people pass by. Every time I see a couple hand in hand, I want to run up to them and shout at them, asking how it's so easy for them. Or that it'll never last. Because what in my life shows that relationships can ever be perfect? Morgead isn't here with me, my dad isn't even my actual father, and Val let it slip once and will probably be paying for it the rest of his life.

As I'm thinking that, Val's ringtone sounds on my phone. I take a deep breath, bracing myself, and answer it. "Val?"

"She left."

His voice, so completely broken, tugs at my heart. "Val, I…"

"Could you come? Hugh and Pierce are out and I don't want to be alone."

"Okay."

I hang up and make my way slowly to his flat. He's sitting at the window again, staring at the sky.

"Why did I ruin everything, Jez?"

I sit on the chair next to him, but don't answer.

"All I wanted was her. Then I get her… but I mess it up. I mess up everything. That's what she said after I told her; there were things I didn't even realise I did wrong."

I draw my knees up, feeling tears leak out of my eyes. He takes hold of my hand and we sit there for what seems like an eternity.

I don't know whether I can forgive him for what he did to Raven, but I know that he needs someone to stay with him. He's always so happy; I forget what he was like before Raven became our friend, the anger and loneliness that always seemed to be a massive part of his personality, but I realised had just been a shield.

I leave once Hugh gets back and stay in my room, wishing that things could be like they were when we were in England.

…nw…nw…nw…

Val slowly gets a bit better over the next month, to the point when he's laughing at jokes, and even making them himself. It makes me half happy, half sad to see him happy, but possibly even getting over Raven.

"I got a call from the producers today," he says one evening when we're having a take-out and song writing session.

"Oh?" Hugh says.

"They think it's important that we don't take for granted the people who would probably be fans anyway, so they want us to do a few more gigs around Suffolk."

"Really? That'd be great. I miss home," Pierce says. I frown at him, noticing that Val and Hugh are doing the same. "What?" he says, glaring at us. "I have emotions too, y'know."

"And, umm…" Val narrows his eyes. "They also want to ask Jez's old school whether we can do a gig there, and all the students and teachers can come free of charge. They think it'll be a good PR boost."

I start choking on my Coke. Val takes one look at my face before bursting out into laughter and Hugh slaps my back until I elbow him in the stomach.

Performing at school. In front of the teachers. _Morgead…. morgead morgead morgead_…

Oh, crap. Just… kill me now. I didn't know exactly _how_ I felt about it, but I still wanted to die. To go back and tell my ten-or-twelve-year-old self that, no, I did _not_ want to become a star. Because not long from then, _this_ would happen. "What…? I… no. I'm not doing…" I trail off when I see how the others are looking at me.

For crap's sake. I hated Val at this moment for not still being with Raven. Because if he was, then she'd be here, and she'd talk him out of it, and she would _understand _what I was going through.

"What, Jez? It's a good idea," Val says.

"No it isn't," I say. Or something along the lines of that. With a few expletives thrown in for good measure.

"Why not?"

"Because… I…" I fight to get a decent reason which will get me out of the embarrassing situation.

"Are you… ashamed of us?" Hugh says melodramatically, one hand against his heart, grey eyes wide and stricken.

"It's just… performing in front of people I know is so awkward."

"You'll have to get over that aversion, though, Jez."

Urgh. There really was no way I could get out of this, was there? So I nod, resigning myself to my fate, and praying that it wouldn't be too harsh.


	5. Chapter 5

**I don't own Night World. This is a double update, so if you came straight to the last chapter, go back one.**

**Chapter 2**

We had a couple of other gigs to practice the set we thought might work in England. As there was only two months before we had to get on the plane, we took every opportunity to practice that we could. The others thought my aversion was just that I was scared I would mess up. If only it was that simple.

That Saturday was a gig which will stick in my head as being one of the best. It was at a small hall that we'd passed and been to a hundred times; loads of bands came through there. I felt myself getting more nervous than usual, but as I'd been nervous since Val told me the news, I didn't think it meant anything in particular.

It happened with a suddenness that shocked me and left me reeling. We'd just finished singing an original of ours and gotten down from the stage to meet a few people (that's a fantastic part of the gigs) and one boy came up towards us, studying me carefully.

My mouth drops open. It's the same boy. The one who bumped into me when I was near the Golden Gate Bridge. He smiles ruefully when he – I suppose – recognises me too and comes up to me. I try very carefully not to look like that last song was about him. Because it totally wasn't. Heh. Anyway. (What that looks like, I have no idea)

"I'm not going to bump into you again," he says when he reaches me.

I feel very embarrassed at this point, with the others looking from me, to him, back to me again before they scatter like startled rabbits. The boy frowns in their direction.

"And I am sorry about that. I had no idea you were a celebrity."

"I'm not a celebrity," I just about manage to say.

"Close enough." He grins. "Well, let me introduce myself properly. I'm Felix." He extends his hand and I shake it.

"Jez," I say.

He smiles. "Short for anything?"

"Jezebel. But if you call me that I break your head."

Most people are usually rolling their eyes at this point and backing away, writing me off as an idiot, but not this boy. His eyes spark and he says, "I'll keep that in mind." After a short pause he goes on. "Celebrity or not, you were great up there." He gestures to the stage.

I feel kind of odd at this point. I usually hate people giving me compliments, but when he complimented me, it felt nice. As if I wanted to _earn_ his respect. I hadn't felt that even with Morgead.

I find out, after talking to him for a few minutes which quickly turns into dozens, that he likes the same films, music, and is even a lover of Wuthering Heights, which is the only book I've read and actually enjoyed. He plays classical music. He doesn't have many friends, but those he has he considers himself very close to.

He is exactly like me in every way.

After what seems like several minutes, but is in reality closer to forty or so, Val taps my shoulder. "It's getting late, Jez. We were just about to go."

I look around in shock, trying to work out how all the equipment got packed away without my noticing. Even my Gibson, and it's like I have a direct psychological bond to my baby. "Oh, I'm sorry. You should have dragged me away to help you." Even though I'm not looking at Felix, I can feel his gaze on me. The weight of it makes me feel nervous.

"Don't worry about it. You'll just pack it up by yourself next time, right?"

I turn back to Felix. "Sorry. I really should go."

He nods. "Can I have your number?"

My stomach is filled with butterflies, but I take his phone from him and enter my number. "Keep in touch," I say to him with a smile.

As I'm walking out of the doors into Val's car, I receive a text saying, '_Hey. Just keeping in touch.'_

…nw…nw…nw…

I'm happier now.

I know it's quite a stupid thing to say, but I hadn't realised how lonely I felt, not having someone to be able to be with when I couldn't deal with the gang. Felix was just about perfect for me, and we became an item very quickly. I suppose I should have learned by now that I fall too quickly and easily into relationships, but it was so difficult to care whenever I was with Felix.

I remember one of the first things he told me on our first 'official' date, "I've always hated the name 'Felix'. I mean, having a name that means '_happy_' is kind of a street-cred no-no, isn't it?"

I'd laughed and butted him with my shoulder. "So is saying _'no-no_', you sap."

It's strange how apt his name is, though. Before I started seeing him, I was unhappy, though I had no _real_ reason to be. I mean, children in poverty can be happy, let alone me with my stupid teenage moodswings, and a failed relationship which wasn't even a real relationship. But now, seeing him was the highlight of my days.

He made me happy.

We would talk on the phone to all hours, talking about everything and nothing. He helped me write songs and even sort of met my parents on video-chat. They loved him.

Val, Hugh and Pierce loved him too, but they felt the need to play the protective older brothers. When I talked to them alone, though, they agreed with me, saying, yes, he was a lovely boy, and Pierce even said that we made a cute couple, at which point I zeroed in on him.

"So when do we get to meet your girl?" I ask him.

"Jez hasn't met Isolde yet?" Hugh says.

"You have?" I say, surprised. And also kind of hurt. "But, Pierce! I'm your _roommate_! I should have been the first one to meet her!"

"I haven't told her yet that I_ have _girl as a roommate. Let alone an attractive lead singer of an awesome rockband."

"But I want to meet her!"

"Once you move in with Felix, you can meet her."

I laugh. "Yeah, well that'll be years from now. We haven't even kissed yet."

They all look at me as if I'm crazy.

"You haven't?" Hugh asks. "But when we first started going out -"

"Yeah, I know. But I wanted to take things slow."

"Cliché," they say in unison. I smirk.

"I know that too. But it's working. Why mess with something that's working perfectly as it is?"

"But you've been going out for like two weeks," Val says.

"It'll happen when it happens."

Pierce nods. "Yes. We all know you can't rush relationships. The worst thing to do is to leap into bed with some…" he trails off as the boys all start laughing raucously. I sigh and cross my legs, picking up the Gibson and picking out a couple of melodies from our old songs.

…nw…nw…nw…

I knew the kiss would happen at some point. It had to; everything was going so perfectly. So when we were walking around the park, arm in arm, I tried to communicate to him that I thought that it was high time we did _something_ about our relationship.

Nothing major, just standing a bit closer to him than usual and looking at his lips. I'd found that worked very well with Morgead.

But Felix seemed a bit clueless. He was just showing me some photos he'd taken over the past couple of days and even when he looked at me, I couldn't find any hint of desire in his eyes.

It was pissing me off a bit, actually.

Oh, wait, sorry. He did kiss my hand when he walked me to my door, but really. This isn't the 18th Century!

And so I made it my mission to get him to kiss me.

The next day, I wore the kind of top I never wore usually, slightly revealing, and a skirt. Yes. I actually own a skirt. I did my hair as nicely as I could and paid attention to how I was putting on my makeup. Pierce raised his eyebrows when he saw me, but didn't say anything. But I was greeted with a slightly shell-shocked expression when I opened the door to Felix.

I didn't say anything unusual as we walked down to the tiny café that had become our regular haunt, and he was a bit quieter than usual. It was working _perfectly_. He had his arm around me when we were walking back, and kept on looking down at me.

And before I realised, we were at the door of my flat and Felix was starting to say goodbye to me, until I caught his pale blue eyes and his voice trailed off. I could almost feel the heat between us. He touched my cheek and leaned in. And when his lips touched mine, I thought I was going to faint.


	6. Chapter 6

**I don't own Night World. Decided to update now as distraction from the fact that I have my grade 8 piano at 2:35 today...**

**Chapter 3**

When I woke up, I realised I could hardly remember what Morgead looked like.

I definitely couldn't remember his voice, or the different expressions he would have, but in the beginning I'd held on stubbornly to the image of his face, unwilling to really let it go. And now, hardly realising I had, I'd replaced him.

That made me half happy, half sad. It was good that I was moving on, wasn't it? It would have been unhealthy to not be with other people and stay holed up in the blind expectation that Morgead would remember me, that he would still love me after five years. I wasn't an idiot. So why did I feel the unease at not remembering him?

I tried to ignore it and focussed instead on Felix and the kiss last night.

When I enter the living room, I get a shock.

"Raven!" I say. She's sitting on the sofa next to a bag.

"Jez," she says, coming up to hug me.

I hold her tight. Finally, someone I could talk to about _everything_. We didn't get a chance to talk last time because, surprise surprise, she had decided to leave.

"I'm so happy you're here," I say.

"What's wrong?" Raven says. She holds my shoulder and pushes me back to look at him. "I got Pierce out of the house. He agreed to get V-Val away."

She doesn't comment on the pause, so I decide not to either.

And, to my surprise and chagrin, I feel tears well up in my eyes.

"Jez!" she says in shock, bringing me to the sofa and sitting me down. I bring my knees up and rest my chin on them. "What's wrong?"

"I don't… even know. Everything should be perfect, right? I've started seeing this guy, Felix, and he's really great. He's so sweet to me, and really cares about me, but when I woke up I couldn't remember what… Morgead… looks like and we're performing at school in a week and I don't know how I can handle it."

Somehow she caught all of that. But, then again, Raven was like my substitute mother if I couldn't deal with, or couldn't tell, my own.

"Oh, sweetie. It's okay." She hugs me and rocks me as if I'm a small child again.

"I tried to get out of it, but the logic behind why we're doing this is pretty much infallible, and no-one knows but you."

"Go ahead and do it. It'll be good for you to see him again." She grins. "Get some closure," she adds in an exaggerated American accent.

I laugh.

"You know, I've run into him a couple of times. I think he half-recognised me. Either that or he was wondering why some random girl was glaring at him."

"Oh, don't. He's a good guy."

She sighs. "I know. But it's hard to get away from the fact that he was your _teacher_."

"Yeah, for like a term. That's nothing."

She sighs again. "Well, it'll be better soon. Tell me about Felix."

I smile, despite myself. "He's a photographer. And almost exactly like me in every way. But how are you?"

Her eyes tighten. "I'm fine. I suppose." She ducks her head down, looking embarrassed. "I've gone out with Ryan a few times."

My mouth drops open. "Ryan?" Ryan is probably one of the most gorgeous people in the world, but that masks a really horrible personality. Rumours still persist of his ex-girlfriends admission to hospital. "Are you crazy?"

"I just wanted to see some other people," Raven says defensively, but I can see a bit of humour in her eyes.

"Is he as stupid as everyone thinks he is?"

Raven laughs. "More. He didn't even complete his GCSEs, and the way he _talks_… he's a pretty face, but not much else."

"So you'll break up with him, right? You can't be with someone stupid."

She pauses. "Yeah. I will. Once I get back."

"When are you leaving?"

"In a couple of days."

After about an hour I receive text from Pierce warning us they were 15 minutes away. I tell Raven and she gets a faraway look in her eye, but leaves after giving me another hug. We make plans to meet again tomorrow afternoon.

Pierce, Val and Hugh come right on schedule. The first thing Pierce does is shout, very loudly, "we're home!" I can't help grinning at him.

"Seriously, girl? Still in your pyjamas? We have to leave in half an hour."

"Oh, right. I'd forgotten about the gig."

"You came in pretty late yesterday," Pierce says as they come in and sprawl on the sofa.

I frown at him. "I came in at nine."

Pierce has a half confused, half disgusted look on his face. "I was in bed by nine?"

I roll my eyes and go to the bathroom to get ready for soundcheck.

…nw…nw…nw…

Felix is there about an hour after us. He smiles at me in a way that makes me feel nervous. The only downside is that all of our original songs on the set are about Morgead. Aha. Let's ignore that fact shall we?

And afterwards, when I go backstage like I had before, and Felix comes in, I'm reminded almost painfully of when Morgead would come backstage to see me.

I think Felix realises that I'm a bit distracted, because he leaves me alone, after kissing my forehead. I don't ask him to stay. I really can't deal with having someone there at that moment.

_Why_ couldn't I remember him?

The next day I meet up with Raven instead of Felix and I don't regret it. Raven's never been so open with me, and we talk about everything. She tells me that, as she won't be moving in with Val, she was thinking of a job at one of the primary schools to be a Teacher's Assistant.

"It's the best thing to do. And… I think it's good Val and I broke up. I felt like I had to put my dreams on hold so he could realise his. I didn't mind then, but I'm happier now."

But her eyes dart about when she says that, and her hands clench into fists. I know her well enough to know that she's lying; you can always tell, but I also know her well enough not to call her out about it. Otherwise she'll dig her heels in.

And the time when we have to board the plane finally rolls around. I suppose I am _quite_ excited, but then again, I am a masochist. It'll be nice to live with my parents for a couple of weeks and let them take care of me (I'd asked them specifically). The boys got just a bit weird, enough that the other people in the plane were staring at us, and it was great when we landed and there was all the reunion stuff at the airport.

It felt great to sleep in my old bed and to go around all the old places around town and Christchurch Park, though I was on the alert the entire time lest I should run into Morgead.

And then, with a swiftness which caught me off guard, mum woke me up in the morning and started talking about the gig at my old school.

"What are you talking about? It's _ages_ away," I mumble, rolling over and burying my face in my pillow.

She laughs. "Love, it's in ten hours."

I turn my head and frown at her. "It's Friday?" I ask.

She pats my shoulder. "Afraid so."

"Oh, for…" my voice trails off.

She laughs again and goes out, leaving me to get dressed.

And the day is at top speed. I feel like I run all the way to school and we play the songs double the pace we usually do, and before I register what will be happening, we're backstage as people filter in.

I keep an eye on the door, my heart leaping and dropping to my feet every time I can see a shadow behind it. I'm half hoping, half dreading Morgead being one of the people coming in, but it's always other teachers. The head, my old teachers. Apart from Morgead.

I almost ask one of them whether he's even out there, but the memory of Morgead once being questioned because the school thought we might be having a sexual relationship holds me back. It was his dream from a child. That was one of the reasons I left.

And one of the reasons why I should never have come back.

"Jez? Felix is on the phone."

I feel my breathing start to quicken, but I manage to choke out, "Tell him that I'll call him after. I really need to focus."

Val does as I ask as Hugh comes to sit next to me and put his arm around me. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just… scared of messing up."

He grinned. "You know you're going to be great, Jez. Just relax."

He keeps his arm around me and I feel myself relaxing, just listening to his voice. He was right. I would be fine. I've performed loads of times, even in front of Morgead.

Oh, for… _don't think of him_.

So I push him entirely out of my mind, and I'm able to function like a… well, a normal person.

I step out onto the stage.


	7. Chapter 7

**I don't own Night World. Sorry it's so short XD Eheh, in France I bought the french version of Huntress (La Chasseuresse) and it has Morgy on the cover :333 Well. Sort of. He's not really pretty enough. Nice eyes, though.**

**Part 4 – Missing (Morgead)****  
**_If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great number of things that are missing. If you don't have love in your life, no matter what else there __is, it is never enough. ~Ann Landers_

**Chapter 1**

I don't know how I missed all the signs.

I mean… the _literal_ signs. Black words printed on white paper. I suppose that always being so distracted about Jez shielded me from… well… _Jez_.

Or maybe my subconscious was trying to protect me from what would have been, understandably, a very embarrassing situation.

I'll go back to the beginning.

Friday:

Work was as usual. I had to stay behind after school for a detention which only I was willing to take (the boy was a complete prat), and got home at six. I talked to my sister for a bit, as she wanted me to babysit my niece Saturday night. Being the lovely person that I am, I agreed.

Saturday:

I did nothing until my sister dropped Leah off. Honestly. I've never done so little in my life. Something about today was making me depressed. Leah was acting a bit oddly around me, but I think that was because I was acting oddly myself. As soon as my sister came back, she noticed how strangely I was acting, and an obvious conversation followed:

Her – Why are you acting so weirdly?

Me – I'm not acting weirdly.

Her – Yes you are. Even weirder than usual. You're never this quiet.

Me – I don't know. I didn't think I was acting strangely.

Her – _Calculating look_. Yeah. Whatever. But don't let your weirdness rub off on Leah. I wouldn't know how to deal with it.

Me – _Eye roll_.

She left straight afterwards.

Sunday:

And I felt even stranger when I woke up on Sunday, so I decided to go into town.

It was a lot warmer than it had been these past few weeks, so everyone was taking advantage of the uncharacteristically nice weather. I went to Starbucks, and I'd just sat down when it happened.

Similar things had happened quite often over the past few weeks, but that didn't mean my heart didn't leap straight into my throat whenever it did. I didn't think I would ever get used to it, and a masochistic part of me hoped I never would. Sometimes, it seemed like my only link to Jez.

So, just sitting down at my table innocently, I see a flash of colour from the corner of my eye. I turn automatically, before my brain even registers what colour it is.

Jez.

In that moment, I was positive that she was actually there. I could almost hear her laugh, see her smile, feel her skin against mine and her hair soft against my hand, but the colour blends into the crowd, leaving me to doubt what I saw. She was six-thousand miles away in California, why would she be here?

I feel even more depressed and lonely when I get back, trying not to think about her, but I can't help myself. She's too important to forget.

Monday:

The first thing I hear when I walk through the school gates is, "weren't Chaos good on Saturday?"

I frown, but the already faint voice has disappeared. I look around. So, what, I'm hearing _voices_ now? That was all I needed. I was going to be fired before long. They'll commit me when I start trying to shake hands with a wall.

That thought amuses me (black humour. They'll commit me. Haha) and I walk to the staffroom, dropping my bag on the sofa in the usual place.

"I had no idea Jez was so talented."

I froze. Crap; the voices had followed me. I frowned at Mr Randall (whilst trying to make it look like the normal teacher-frown. You know, the one we do when we're pretending to think, but we're actually listening in on your conversations?)

"I know! No wonder her band got signed when she's so young."

"What?"

Mr Randall and Mrs O'Brian turn to look at me strangely. "You remember Jez Redfern?"

I try not to smirk at that. Do I remember Jez? What, the girl I was in love with? Nooo…

"Yes."

"Her band did a gig at the school on Saturday."

"Oh." Pause. "So they're good, then?"

"Oh, yes. Very good."

They turn back to each other and start talking some crap about maths.

Well. Maybe I wasn't going crazy. Maybe that really had been Jez. Maybe the weird feeling I'd had all weekend was that, subconsciously, I knew about her.

Although, if that wasn't going to drive me crazy, nothing would.

It seems like everybody knew about the gig. And, actually, I'm pretty sure I did, on some level, because the leaflets posted up around the walls are familiar. I want to kick myself for being such an idiot; I could have seen her, talked to her, maybe even kissed her.

The school talk a lot about it for a few days, but then the conversation dwindles to nothing, and resumes its normal tediousness. I'm tempted to go to Jez's house, though I never let that temptation become action. What girl would want to introduce an ex-teacher as her boyfriend to her parents? I would have to explain what we were, or had been, to each other. No-one would want to be part of that conversation. And for all I knew, Jez had completely gotten over me. I wouldn't blame her.

So instead I hope that she comes to me, all the time knowing in my heart that she probably won't.


	8. Chapter 8

**I don't own Night World.**

**Part 5 – Complete (Jez)**

_Love alone is capable of uniting living beings in such a way as to complete and fulfill them, for it alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in themselves. ~Pierre Teilhard de Chardin  
_

**Chapter 1**

I'd never been so angry in my entire life.

After the massive build-up in my mind, the panic attacks, the butterflies, the feeling like I was going to throw up, the trepidation, the _hope_, the excitement, he wasn't there.

The stupid _idiot_ wasn't there.

I wanted him to come to me backstage like he did before. I wanted to talk to him, hear his voice because I couldn't hear it in my mind anymore, see his face that my mind's eye had let slip away.

And a part of me wanted him to kiss me over and over, to hold me and touch me, but I forced that feeling away. Felix was perfect for me; I couldn't betray his trust like that, as exciting as it would be to kiss Morgead in school (which was crazy in itself).

I still felt angry the next day, so instead of bottling it up as I usually have to, I go to see Raven. She's out in her garden planting some flowers when I get to hers.

"Jez!" she says when she sees me. "How did yesterday go?"

I ducked my head down and frowned.

"That bad, huh?"

I sigh. "You know how worried I was that I would mess up in front of Morgead? Well he wasn't there. He didn't show up." I kick the wall dejectedly. "And that was really when I realised how much I _wanted_ him to be there."

"Jez, maybe it was for the best."

"That I still love him but he's completely moved on? Yeah, maybe."

"What about Felix?"

"I'll get over Morgead at some point. Felix will help."

Raven stands up. "I think you need some retail therapy."

I glare at her, but sigh and give up when I see she has her stubborn expression on. "Okay."

And she was right. The entire day we're going around town, I completely forget about the whole Morgead and Felix crapstorm. I try to talk to her about Val, but it takes some very clever planning on my part to just drop him in casually, comparing him to something good. It was really very clever, the way I did it, believe me.

With Raven's guidance (not that I need it, but… ah, who am I kidding?) I buy some more clothes, seeing as we didn't get around to any serious shopping in San Francisco. We don't get back until late evening, and I'm floating on a carefree cloud when I get home.

"Okay, seriously? You live in San Francisco, but you go shopping here?" Claire says as I walk in.

I shrug my shoulders. "I'm surrounded by guys in San Francisco. I don't really go shopping."

Mum hugs me when we go into the kitchen. "Well, don't worry. When we come down at Easter we'll all go shopping."

"I'm not going."

"But dad-!"

"No. I'm not going to be your porter. You'll be fine without me. Maybe you'll buy less."

Mum grins at me "He thinks I spend too much on clothes."

"How can you spend too much on clothes?" Claire asks.

"I don't know."

"I'm actually with dad on this one," I interject.

"Thank you!"

"Spend money on music instead."

Dad grumbles something under his breath.

It's one of the best evenings of my life. I mean, I love my band, but nothing can beat an actual civilised dinner and conversation with family. I don't remember Morgead until I'm in my room staring at a blank sheet of paper because I'd hoped to write a couple of songs when I was home.

As soon as I think of him, all creativity escapes me and dejectedness fills its space, until tears start leaking down my cheeks. I want to laugh at myself, kick myself, run to Morgead's to demand why he wasn't there. But that would be crazy.

That night, I dream that I try to go to Morgead's, but everything is against me. Raven is standing there with a shocked expression everywhere I go, saying, "Your teacher was _molesting_ you!" My parents appear with disgusted expressions, "Why did you let him do something like that, Jez?" Hugh is accusatory, "So _that's_ who you loved, huh?"

And Felix.

He's standing there. Not shocked, disgusted or accusatory, just sad. "I'm sorry," I gasp at him, but he turns away.

I wake up breathing heavily and still crying.

…nw…nw…nw…

I talk to Felix a couple of times on the phone, but I think he can tell that I'm not really into it. His own calls trail to nothing by the end of the week, until I have nothing to distract me except family. And I still have two or three weeks here.

The Friday after the gig is when I finally give up. I knew it was coming. And as I drive down to his I can feel a weight lifting off my shoulders. I would see him soon.

It takes a few seconds, once I get there, to psyche myself up enough to actually ring the doorbell. I can hear it reverberate through the door like a jail door opening, and my heart stops beating when I can see the shadow.

"Jez!" he says when the door opens. He's surprised, I can tell that. His hand starts reaching out, but he checks himself. And something about his expression makes me unable to answer him. Love floods through me strongly.

"You didn't come," I manage to say accusatorily.

He shoots a nervous look down the road and steps back. "Come in."

The familiarity of the hall, the mahogany doors set in the cream walls and the library, with the old leather books and the mismatched chairs around the low table strikes me hard, and I'm unable to say anything else.

"I'm sorry," he says as I sit down. I see _Wuthering Heights_ open on the table at Catherine's speech on her love for Heathcliff and run my eyes along the familiar words, taking comfort in them. "I'm sorry," he repeats. "I don't even know how I didn't realise. The posters were up for a while, but I didn't know. I think I was repressing it."

"And to think I was having a panic attack because I thought you would be there," I say. I give a short laugh and meet his eyes, feeling a tremor move through my body. We're caught in a moment when we're still, but then Morgead leans away.

I drop my eyes again. _Come on, Jez. It's good that he isn't interested anymore_. But I still feel uneasy, and I want to move closer to him. Every time I screw up the courage to look him in the eye a memory stands out to me like a reflection in a clear, still pond. I still love him.

"Jez?"

I look up at him.

"I really am sorry."

The urge to move closer is unbearable now. I stand up roughly, letting the chair scrape across the floor. "I should go. I only came to see how you were," I say. Looking down at the book, I take a deep breath. _My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods, time will change it, but my love for Heathcliff is like the eternal rocks below…_ "I shouldn't have come," I blurt out.

"Jez, don't go," Morgead says, standing up. He takes hold of my hand, and tightens his grip when I try to pull away from the electricity arcing between us. "Please don't."

I brace myself before looking up at him, but no amount of forewarning would have prepared me for the beauty of his eyes, intense as green flames, _begging_ me to stay. His other hand touched my cheek, and the warmth was spreading around my entire body. And when he leaned down to kiss me it was like I could breathe again.

I don't know how long we stayed there. The entire world could have ended round us, but I didn't care. It was perfect, no longer merely a memory but actual tangible _truth_. I felt my love for him increasing impossibly. He still loved me; I didn't have to hold anything back.

We end up sitting on the floor, holding each other as the sky gradually starts darkening. "I should probably go," I say, but I tighten my arms around him.

"Just a bit longer," he says. He kisses the top of my head and drifts his hand down to my waist. "Although I don't know if I'd be able to let you go at all. I thought you didn't love me anymore."

I can't help laughing at that. "Right back at you." And then, like bright, blinding sunshine breaking through the comforting clouds, I remember Felix. I groan.

"What?"

I pull away from him and push my hair back. "I probably should have mentioned it, but to be fair I didn't remember…"I trail off, biting my lip. Morgead stays silent, holding onto my hand. "Technically, I have a boyfriend." I force myself to look at him. He doesn't let go of my hand, but his expression is very carefully blasé.

"It's your decision. I won't force you into anything."

My heart swells with love for him again, so much more intoxicating and perfect than what I ever felt for Felix. I lean forward to press my lips to his. "He's a nice person, but he was only ever a distraction."

Morgead smiles and touches my cheek. "And now I really have to go," I say, kissing him once more before I get up. He follows me to the front door. "Can I come back tomorrow?"

He grins and pulls me closer. "You could just stay here anyway."

I let my imagination run away with that. I could call Raven and ask her to cover for me and stay with Morgead…

"I can't," I say. "Not while I'm still technically with Felix."

"I know. Just imagining," he says with a cheeky smile.

I bite my lip, tempted – more than anything – to stay. How perfect it would be… I put my hand on the door handle. "Don't tempt me," I say, but part of me is daring him to.

He kisses me before opening the door. "Go. Before I kidnap you."

I shoot him a flirtatious glance over my shoulder, just to torture him a bit, as I walk to my bike.

I'm dreading being at home, so of course the ride goes really quickly and I don't even hit any red lights. Soon enough I'm home and the beautiful colours of the day leech away to grey. I find myself wishing that I had stayed with Morgead.

Felix picks up after the first ring, which makes me feel guilty.

"Jez! How are you?"

"I'm… okay. You?" I say, blindly grasping for any conversation that would delay the inevitable.

"What's wrong?" he says immediately, which makes me feel even worse.

"Are you alone?"

"Yes…"

"I… I'm sorry, Felix. I know it isn't right to do this over the phone…"

"Jez… what are you talking about?"

"I don't want to string you along. It's just… I don't think it's working."

"What isn't working?"

I brace myself. "Well… us. I don't think it working between us."

The other side of the phone is very silent.

"I'm sorry," I repeat.

"Me too," he says before hanging up.

I stare at the phone, taking long deep breaths and fixing my mind on Morgead. I had him. That was enough forever.

"Jez?" I hear from behind me. I turn to see dad poking his head in. "Dinner's ready." He looks at me closer. "What's wrong?"

I twist my hands together. "I just broke up with Felix."

Dad frowned. "I thought you liked him."

"I do, but I don't… it wasn't… I'm…" I tug at a strand of hair and shrug my shoulders. "It wasn't enough."

Dad comes to sit next to me. "You don't need a Romeo and Juliet story, Jez. Just look for what makes you happy."

I think of Morgead and smile. "I am."


	9. Chapter 9

**I don't own Night World.**

**Chapter 2**

I can relax quite easily now that I've broken up with Felix. Going to see Morgead seems almost normal. We spend all of Saturday together and I write a song (he has a couple of guitars lying about and he's not a bad singer actually – once I forced him), whilst he does some work. All of this makes our relationship seem normal, instead of completely secret as it always has been. Sunday I don't see him because it was meant to be a 'family day'. My aunt Nan and uncle Jim come, as well as Claire and Ricky and we have this massive family dinner.

I obviously can't see Morgead during the day on Monday and dad is at work too. Mum got some inspiration a little while back and is sitting outside writing, so I knew she wouldn't be any good company. I shout out to her that I'm going to Raven's, and I think she heard. It wouldn't surprise me if she hadn't, though.

Raven opens the door with a slightly dejected expression on her face, but brightens up considerably when she sees me. She invites me in and we sprawl on the sofas with steaming cups of tea.

"How are you? It feels like months since I last talked to you."

I grin. "It's only been a week or so. And I'm great."

She puts her head to one side, her midnight blue eyes creasing at the corners. "Oh?"

"Oh?" I repeat, copying her head position. "I broke up with Felix and went to see Morgead."

"Oh."

I laugh at her. "Don't sound so excited for me!" I lean forward. "In all seriousness, Raven, I wasn't happy without him. We spent Friday evening and all Saturday together-"

"You _stayed the night_?!" she almost shrieked.

"No! No, of course not. I went back home. Promise." I fiddle with the hem of my shirt. "But I have been thinking about that. It's too early now, of course," I say hastily to reassure her. "But… just wondering. When…?"

"I was with Val for five years before."

"Oh."

She laughs at my expression. "Take your time, Jez. Make sure it's the perfect moment. Has he been pressuring you?"

I smirk. "You really should meet him to get him disassociated with an image of a creepy paedophile with a moustache. He's a really good guy, Raven."

She looks at me for a moment. "Does he have a moustache?"

I shake my head, then we look at each other and burst out laughing.

I leave to go to Morgead's at about 4. He opens the door so quickly that I'm tempted to ask whether he was standing behind it. I feel myself tensing every time his hand brushes against me, thinking about what Raven and I had talked about.

Waiting five years was all well and good when they'd started dating at 14 and 16, but I was certain that I didn't want to wait that long. And the other extreme; am I ready now? I try to imagine it and know when my mind automatically recoils that I'm not. A part of me wants to, but it wouldn't feel, or be, right. I was still too much of a child. I trust Morgead enough to know that he wouldn't mind waiting either.

But, of course, I'm always a bit more tempted when Morgead is kissing me.

"What are you thinking about so intently?" he says when I'm thinking everything through.

I feel heat try to rise to my cheeks but hold it back stubbornly. "Nothing."

"That wasn't nothing," he says, pulling me onto his lap.

I kiss him to try to distract him, but he pushes me away and rolls me onto my back so that he's hovering over me.

"I'm not talking," I say obstinately. He ducks his head and nips at my collarbone. "Still not talking," I say, fighting to keep my voice steady.

"I'll get it out of you," he breathes, kissing up my neck and tugging at my earlobe with his teeth.

I bite my lip, trying to work out how far I was willing to let this go, and my phone lets out the piercing shriek to alert me to a call. Morgead mutters something under his breath and kisses me quickly before letting me go.

"Hey dad," I say once I've picked up the phone.

"Hey, what time are you coming back?"

"I can come back now if you want," I say, grinning when Morgead sighs.

"Okay," he says distractedly. He hangs up.

I laugh at Morgead's disgruntled expression. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

He touches my cheek. "Of course," he says, leaning forward to kiss me again.

…nw…nw…nw…

Those weeks are really quite perfect. We have a couple more gigs around town, and I'd forgotten how much I missed the 'talks' backstage. Finally the last couple of days roll around and it starts dawning on me that I won't be able to see Morgead or my family easily for months. I get just a little bit emotional when it comes to the last day I'll see Morgead (I decided to reserve the very last day for family only) and end up crying on his shoulder. Although I'm not entirely sure how it came to that.

"I'll come as soon as I can, Jez."

"We should probably wait a couple of years, though-"

"And you'll come back quite a bit, right?"

I nod into his chest.

"We'll be fine," he says, a smile in his voice. I look up and, sure enough, he's smiling. He kisses my forehead. "Go chase your dream, okay?"

"You could teach in America, right?"

"I don't see why not."

"Good."

I fiddle with the hem of my t-shirt.

"What's wrong?"

I look up at him, smiling ruefully. He knows me so well now. I love how our relationship is developing and forming. "I was just thinking… I think it may be important for both of us to see other people. You never know; things _could_ go badly for us, and it would just be like we've wasted two or three years of our lives on a relationship which was doomed to fail."

He nods slowly, though his eyes tighten slightly.

"You know I'm right," I say.

He sighs. "Yeah, I know. But I don't have to like it."

"Just try. Then we'll really know that we're doing the right thing. This relationship isn't going to be easy; we need to be completely positive that it's perfect."

One side of his mouth quirks up. "So you're not positive?" he asks, dropping a kiss on my shoulder. I reach up and twine my fingers through his hair, holding him closer. "Not even now?"

"I am positive. At the moment," I admit. "But I know I'm going to change a lot in these next few years."

He pulls back and glares at me. "You will be the death of me, Jezebel."

I narrow my eyes at him. "Don't call me that."

"Oh, I don't think there's much you can do about that… Jezebel."

I bite my tongue against the retort and instead jump on him, trying to pin him to the floor. But of course he's stronger, and after some scrapping he has me trapped against the floor with my arms above my head. "I think I may have won there."

After an hour or so, I have to leave. The route home seems darker and more depressing than it did before; the past fortnight or so went so quickly I can hardly believe I'm leaving tomorrow evening.

The entire band is there the next day as well as family, and the whole day is a noisy, fantastic mess. By the time we're all packed and the goodbyes have been said, I'm almost falling asleep on Hugh's shoulder. My parents drop us all off at the airport and we finally leave. I feel a mixture of happiness and despondency. It will be months before I see Morgead again, but I'd known from the beginning that San Francisco, realising my dream, is where I'm meant to be.


	10. Chapter 10

**I don't own Night World.**

**So thought I'd update to distract myself that I have my Philosophy and Ethics exam tomorrow… I have been using Avatar: the Last Airbender as a distraction, but I finished the series (oh my goodness, the Zuko feels. As much as I love Mai and Aang as characters, I ship Zutara so bad). This isn't too far from being finished now. I think. Actually can't remember how many chapters there are in all. Eheh.**

**Part 6 – Different (Morgead)****  
**_I can't go back to yesterday – because I was a different person then. __~Lewis Caroll_

**Chapter 1**

Everyone noticed how much happier I was.

My sister was the first to notice; she came over soon after Jez left and frowned as soon as she saw me.

"You're different," she says.

"What?"

"You don't usually smile at me."

"What are you talking about? Nothing has changed since you last saw me."

"Something has."

I roll my eyes and let her in.

"Did you get back with Ella?"

I give a short laugh. "No. I wouldn't be happy if I was with Ella."

She keeps a narrow eye on me the whole evening. The scrutiny makes me uncomfortable, but I try to act normal. I could just imagine what she would say if I told her the reason I was happier.

And it's even worse at school. Teenagers are surprisingly perceptive (especially if it means they can get out of a few minutes of work), but I stubbornly refuse to tell them anything (I could imagine how that conversation would go. "Yeah, you know that student who was here a few months ago and moved to San Francisco? Well, we've been having a secret relationship since November!" Cue horrified expressions).

Thank goodness the rest of the teachers are too engrossed in their work that they don't comment on my mood.

The multiple questions from various people finally end by the end of the month, close to when Jez's band's first CD is released. And exactly a week before, I go home to find Ella in the living room.

I narrow my eyes when I see her, trying to remember if I forgot to lock the door, but she stood up and said, "Your sister let me in. She wanted me to talk to you."

"Okay…" I pause. "About what?"

"She says you've been acting strangely."

"Strangely?" I repeat.

"Happier than usual."

"Happier?"

She shoots me a sarcastic look. I sigh and fall onto the sofa, reluctant to look at her. She knows me well enough to guess what's going on, and sure enough, she does.

"So what's up with Jez?" there's tension in her voice.

"I don't know."

"I heard she came back to England to do a few performances. Did you go to any of them?"

"No."

"Did you see her at all?"

"In passing… Is this the Spanish Inquisition?"

"I'm just worried-"

"Bull. You haven't worried about me in months. You just want to control everything."

"Morgead…"

I raise my eyebrows.

Her jaw sets. "So you did see her?"

"Yes…"

"You know that's wrong, Morgead."

"She's no longer a student."

"You know it is."

My hands form into fists. I had a sudden need to hit something, but restrained myself. Barely. "Just leave, Ella. You're not doing any good here."

She does, then, quicker than I thought she would.

I control myself a bit more over the next few days (apparently being happy is too conspicuous for me) and thankfully Ella doesn't show up again. I have a talk with my sister as well, during which she looks suitably abashed.

I do talk to Jez a couple of times, but she doesn't have much time what with the CD release, and she tries to avoid talking to me in front of the band.

She even has a couple of interviews which I manage to catch. The first one was the day before the release of the CD.

It's obvious from the cheers of the crowd that they are already popular. Jez and the rest of the band all look pretty nervous (apart from the drummer, but he didn't seem the type to be nervous), and take their seats. Jez is fiddling with the hem of her dress (how they managed to force her into one I have no idea) in the way she always does with her t-shirt when she's caught between nervousness and excitement. Her eyes are wide, flickering from the audience to the interviewer in bewilderment.

"So… whirlwind fame or what?"

The drummer shoots a glance at Jez, who is looking shell-shocked then grins. "Yeah. We had no idea it would get so crazy so fast."

"So tell us about the album."

"It's coming out tomorrow and it's called "I Knew". It's got the released singles as well as a load of others."

"I love the singles you've released, and I heard that you write them all yourself."

He grins. "Usually we'll leave Jez alone for a couple of hours and she'll have written three or four songs. The rest of us have written a couple, but the majority are Jez's."

"So where do you get the inspiration, Jez?"

Jez has a deer in headlights look, but says, "Just about anything. I've had some interesting things happen to me."

The interviewer's eyes sparkle. "Romance-wise?"

Jez looks down and smirks slightly. "Not so much." She bites the side of her lip. "I tend to think about films or books if I'm writing a romantic song."

"There must be someone."

"Oh… no." She shakes her head. "Nothing interesting here."

"Just wait. Boys will be throwing themselves at you."

The others shoot amused glances at Jez's horrified expression.

"And how about the rest of you?"

I kind of switched off after that, just getting distracted by Jez. Her smile. Her laugh. She came out of her shell a bit and relaxed. Finally they did a performance.

I was proud of her when they'd finished. She was incredible; her voice and her charisma brought everyone to love her. She had a sweet innocence about her, no matter what she sang.

And she was mine. Completely mine.


End file.
